At that very moment, a certain Marshal Scapegoat was sighing loudly as he lounged in the palace.
“Who would have known that these fellows wouldn’t leave immediately after Tie Zheng’s wedding but choose to stay behind? What are they up to? I can’t believe that they are just planning to sightsee, they must have an ulterior motive!”
Qiu Jianhan was like a raging lion that was pacing around its cage with its claws extended, ready to tear into anyone who got too close.
“Didn’t we already foresee this?”
The emperor looked at Qiu Jianhan with a slightly amused expression. “It was no mean feat for them to arrive here, perhaps this is the only chance they’d ever have to enter Yutang. How can they just go back empty-handed?”
“These people wish catastrophe upon Yutang! They will certainly act upon their wishes now. I’m certain they are looking for undercover agents and installing spies. At the very least, they must be stealing information.” Old Marshal Qiu was indignant.
“Let them be. How much damage can they do? I, on the other hand, hope that the longer they stay, the more they will feel like making their home here, and forget about returning. That would benefit us all.”
The emperor’s generosity stunned the old marshal. “My apologies Your Majesty, isn’t that a tad overambitious? Even I dare not have such high hopes. What a wild imagination one has!”
His Majesty laughed and said, “All in all, let them be. I’m just surprised that they asked for no one else but Yun Yang. This makes me curious. What places can Yun Yang bring these generals to?”
When he spoke about that, the old marshal felt like laughing too. “I heard that that rascal suggested to book a brothel for them and have everyone enjoy the place for ten straight days…”
“Enjoy a brothel for ten days?” The emperor stared eyes wide before he coughed incessantly. “Cough, cough… F*cking hell! This child’s way of handling matters is highly amusing!”
His Majesty guffawed for a long while before realizing that Qiu Jianhan was staring at him with disbelieving eyes. He then recalled the inappropriateness of his words; it wouldn’t do for an emperor to curse like a common sailor.
Indeed, it would damage his image as a reigning monarch.
He quickly salvaged the situation by saying, “It seems the shock has loosened my tongue and caused me to swear unbecomingly. Well, it’s all for my own gratification, of course.”
It was better if the emperor had not bothered to explain himself. Qiu Jianhan could no longer hold it in and chortled. “Your Majesty’s curse is exactly the same as this old official’s thoughts!”
“I laugh aloud at the thought of Han Sanhe visiting a brothel. I really hope that Yun Yang is capable enough to let Old Man Han enjoy the brothel for all ten days…” Qiu Jianhan was reveling in the other’s misery.
However, the old marshal and His Majesty would be disappointed, at least for today.
Yun Yang had already departed with his entourage, heading merrily towards the Residence of Nine Supremes.
On their way, Young Master Yun displayed his eloquence, introducing the scenery without stopping as he spoke whatever that came to mind; he talked easily as if he was speaking of his own family.
The way he introduced topics, however, were singularly bizarre.
“See this house? This house has some story to it. Back in those days when the founding emperor was building this empire, this was where the Chancellor’s father-in-law’s brother-in-law’s brother-in-law’s sister-in-law’s lover stayed. Why is this place famous? It’s all because this Chancellor’s brother-in-law’s brother-in-law’s…”
Zhan Ge who was listening to the long-winded introduction could no longer reign in his irritation as he retorted angrily, “Isn’t this Chancellor’s brother-in-law’s brother-in-law the Chancellor himself? And the Chancellor’s brother-in-law’s brother-in-law’s sister-in-law the Chancellor’s own sister-in-law? You make so many roundabouts about such a simple relationship… the sister-in-law’s lover…”
Yun Yang, was actually confused by Zhan Ge’s reiteration. Blinking, he said, “This thing is rather complicated. You are terribly observant…”
Everyone else was looking at him sardonically.
“Look over there, see this tree? Look, you fellows, look at the entwining roots, look at the huge canopy. This tree’s story is even greater. Legend has it that this tree is a tree that has been enlightened. It blesses this place with favorable weather and prosperity; it’s powerful in its ability. But do you all know how many times has this tree been struck by lightning in these the past hundred years?” Yun Yang ‘s voice lowered as he spoke mysteriously.
“How many times?” The dark-skinned youth was reluctant to acknowledge him, but he could not help himself.
“None.” Yun Yang replied seriously, his face as smooth as a blank slate.
The youth glared at him like he was about to swallow a certain someone whole.
“Such a huge tree but it’s never been struck by lightning even once in so many years…” Yun Yang said, “This is an astonishing matter in itself.”
A bearded general retorted in a dissatisfied tone, “This tree is at most as wide as the mouth of a bowl, I can’t believe that it’s more than ten years old, what more hundreds of years… Besides, a tree that’s over a hundred years old isn’t exactly an aged tree either… what are you trying to do say?”
Yun Yang lowered his voice intentionally and said, “Look, fellows, do you see that unpleasant-looking person by the street? The one who ducks away after seeing us, and behaving suspiciously? Is that an assassin from the Empire of Dongxuan, here to wreak havoc?We have to consider everyone’s safety, there shouldn’t be any accidents. If any of you were to be struck by misfortune of if you managed to get yourself beheaded here in the Empire of Yutang, we would have a diplomatic row on our hands!”
The generals were speechless upon hearing his words.
This bastard is really brutal – any ordinary person would try to avoid such a large group of people. Why are you seeing assassins at every corner? Blabbering about misfortune and beheadings? We’ve put up with it, but you are clearly becoming used to this insolence!
“The only misfortune that will take place will be all on you!”
“If anyone is going to be beheaded, it’d be you!”
“You kid won’t have much time instead, you should be well on your way!”
The ill-tempered generals started to holler loudly at the young master.
“Are you scolding me? Are you actually scolding me?”
Yun Yang was enraged. “I was kind enough to become your tour guide and take care of you all meticulously. I personally think I’ve done all I can and can only hope to be amicable to all of you. I didn’t expect that you would be so ungrateful! Do you all still have a conscience? Do you all still have the slightest self-awareness as a guest? Do you all still have…”
The generals were exasperated. Cursed you? Who started cursing first? The more aggressive few were beginning to shoulder their way to the front to start an earnest argument.
“All of you are scolding me!”
“Well, I’m not bringing you all to the brothels tonight!”
“Let me warn you, from now on, there’s no way that you’re going to set foot in any of the brothels!”
“I’ll have you all hold back your urges!”
“Not only won’t I take you fellows to the brothels, I’m going to put aphrodisiac in your meals! Then I’ll ask some ladies to dance for all of you but won’t allow any one of you to touch them!”
“You dare to scold me? If so, you’ll have to bear the consequences, truly, utterly dire consequences!”
“We’re not going even if you beat to death. Play with each other in your rooms! Bust your *ssholes and get injured!”
“You all dare to scold me… Is there still reasoning, is there still justice, is there still a heaven? What is this, wasting your father’s kindness? This young master has been so hospitable, finding you all brothels with good intentions in mind… It looks like you all have no inkling of how to reciprocate such kindness!”
Yun Yang was smooth-tongued, retorting at last three times when the others had only argued once; he was extremely potent in his articulation, speaking of brothels here and holding back urges there, talking as if these influential generals were all bachelors who had been deprived for years and had never seen women before.
Their bickering along the way was loud, as all of them fired at salvos at each other, exchanging insults.
The generals were indignant. We f*cking came from hundreds of thousands of miles away just to visit a brothel in Yutang?
This little bastard’s way of putting words can really make even the dead jump in their coffins!
Passersby sneaked a peek as they walked. They witnessed a group of authoritative-looking folks dressed in lavish clothing and speaking of brothels, prostitutes, aphrodisiacs, and *ssholes, all while cursing and swearing like a common hooligan.
Their words were a torture to the ears, an affront to their culture, all under broad daylight!
Yun Yang did not cower under the crowd’s upbraiding, rebuking the generals of this continent left and right and chided whoever he could get his hands on. When he sensed he was on a losing track, he would just retort with “I’m not bringing you to the brothels anymore!”, “Hold your urges until you die!” or “Play with each other, bust your *asses!”.
His words were artfully crafted to anger; the generals’ veins were popping from having a headache from the rage.
As things escalated, Yun Yang went in for mass destruction. “What is wrong with all of you? Each one of you is looking like you want to swallow me whole… Could it be that you generals from these countries only think of women? Can’t you all have some other yearning except women? Can’t you all relieve yourselves on your own? Even if you can’t, you could ask the people around you for help!”
“No wonder you have been at war with us for so long. It must be because our Yutang girls are pretty? Look at all of you, you couldn’t find a wife for yourself in your motherland? Otherwise, why would you all rush here when you heard that Marshal Tie was getting married? It must have been to appease your eyes. Are you all loathing Marshal Tie with envy and jealousy now? Now I truly understand your true side… Notable generals of the continent indeed! Such a façade, such plots – how extraordinary!”
Those who were fortunate enough to be walking by only caught a sentence or two; sufficient fodder for them to grow infuriated.
Did these people really have such intentions?
Filling in on what they missed on their own accord, all the foreign generals had suddenly become extremely deprived sex maniacs who had been holding their urges for dozens of years; they were lusting after any possible relief, that was how depraved they were!
The news, as they always do, then spread and circulated in increasingly large ripples!